After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
