im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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