I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
