I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
