but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
