considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
