i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Someone shit on the floor
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
