If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
