When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
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