I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You were trust falling into bushes
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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