Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
