i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
