Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
