He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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