He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
