my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
