Me too!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
