if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
