Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Even my vagina gasped.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
