One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
