I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
