I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Randomize
