So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
