so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
