listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
