A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
