I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I didn't notice because vodka
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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