well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
