We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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