Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
