No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
