There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
