Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i love accidental penises.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize