The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
