you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm sobbing to NWA
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
