I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Drake has all the answers
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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