so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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