Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
