This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
