Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
