he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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