I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
