i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
