We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
