So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
