The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
