He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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