best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
