we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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