you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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