Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
