a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
