I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize