I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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