Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
