yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
