eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
