What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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