i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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