The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize