So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
