Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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