No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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