there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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