Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
