I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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