It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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