So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He kissed a someone with a penis
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
