I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
