When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
