i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
