Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I wanna bring you to show and tell
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
