yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize