I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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