If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
