I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
