You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
