I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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